Here I Am Once Again

Just about the time you start getting your hopes up that maybe you've finally, somehow, overcome that anger that you feel deep down inside, it shows up again. It doesn't take much. Just the slightest injustice seems to feel as though you have somehow been trampled underfoot as though your worth is zero. In your head you know that you have no right to feel as though you are deserving of anything, but your deceitful and wicked heart starts working immediately at deceiving you into thinking that someone out there somewhere appreciates you and even loves you. The thoughts start flying. You remember all the times that you have been put aside for something much less. You've been left to yourself and pushed away for a tv show, time on the computer, or even sleep. How can any one person tear any other person down so low? How can how someone feels about you be so devastating? What does it really matter? You know that you did not intentionally do anything wrong. You simply asked a question. But somehow, because the person didn't want to admit his true answer or even a weakness, it came back on you! Will it always be my fault? Will I always be to blame for all the hardship? Will God ever let me hear, "I'm so sorry!"

It's a small thing when I think rightly about it. I was a far greater enemy of God and trampled His Son underfoot with much more hate. God, please forgive me for not loving You the way that I should. Forgive me for not desiring to walk with you day after day and minute by minute. Forgive me for causing Your Son to suffer for my sins. Help me to understand that my sin causes more suffering than just with me.