Family & the Gospel

Tonight I found myself in familiar territory. I found myself among family, church family. It amazes me how this family can encourage, exhort, and edify without even knowing they are doing so. As I mingled throughout the night and engaged in numerous conversations, I noticed that each one took me to a place that I needed to go, to the gospel. Daily I must remind myself of certain truths. I must remind myself that I am a sinner and that left to myself I am without hope. But God, willingly and lovingly gave His Son, Jesus, on my behalf so that I might be saved from this hopeless and damned state. I must also remember that there is nothing in me that is deserving of this love nor is there anything in me that would choose this love for myself. I was perfectly content to live and endulge in this fallen condition. But God would have none of that, for He had chosen me. Before the foundation of the world, God determined that I would be His and as a result He has given me the Spirit of God. Now I can walk in newness of life. I can have hope where there is none and I can have peace with God. Thank you God!! Thank you Jesus!!

Why Am I So Discouraged?

I thought today would be a new day. I thought that finally I had been heard and understood. But as the day went on I began to realize I was still in the same place I was yesterday. Will this never end? "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?" (Ps 42:5) I cannot remain in this place. I must finish reading.... "Put your hope in God!"

Just Being Real

Sometimes as a Christian I feel pressured to be outwardly okay when inwardly I'm beaten down. My journey as a Christian has been one that has been nothing short of difficult. Coming from an extremely legalistic background, I have found it hard to let go of some of the white-washed tomb external actions that are a false reflection of what is truly going on internally. Daily I struggle with the assurance of my salvation. I believe I do so because I know who I am. I know the thoughts that go through my mind. I know how difficult it is to hold those thoughts captive day after day, hour after hour, and minute after minute. How did I get here?  Deception!  A man portrayed himself as a lover of God.  He spoke words of Truth.  He convinced me he followed that truth.  But it was a lie.  I have found myself with a man who is full of selfishness and hate.  He has taken what was good in my life and has tried to destroy it.  Daily I'm reminded of my worthlessness and the worthlessness of my boys.  Daily I'm reminded of my obligation to serve him day and night.  Daily I'm reminded of my idolatry for my sons.  Daily I'm reminded of how unworthy I am of the Kingdom.  There are some days where all I do is try to keep my mind thinking rightly only to find myself defeated at the end of the day finally convinced that what I'm being told is true. Then I fall asleep wondering what is to become of me?