Will It Ever Stop Hurting?

Sometimes a hurt comes along that is much greater than any you have ever felt before. A hurt that penetrates deep into your heart and stays there. You know that God wants you to not be encumbered by this event in your life. He wants you to depend on Him and rise above it. It is His joy to bring you to a place of forgiveness. But forgiveness is something that does not come easily and definitely does not come in my own strength. It is something I must rely on God for. His forgiveness must flow through me. I look at how much I have grieved God, how much I have sinned against Him. I think of all the times that I have shamed the Holy Spirit, how many times I have gone my own way. But God has forgiven me. He has forgiven me a much greater debt than the one that I need to forgive. I suppose that forgiveness doesn't mean that it will stop hurting. It doesn't mean that I will forget. It simply means that I will not act upon that hurt in an ungodly way. That I will treat the offender as though he has not offended. I will grant mercy as mercy has been granted to me. This is what I desire. This is what my heart knows to be right. But I find myself doing the very thing that I hate. I find myself allowing that hurt to rule over me. God, I pray that you will teach me how to forgive. Teach me how to do all that You would have me to do.