Do I Live Alone????

When in fellowship with my precious brothers and sisters in Christ, I often wonder if I live alone. Not alone in the since that there is no one around. Obviously, there are people all about. I wonder if I live alone in a battle to know God. They talk of their love of God. They talk of their love of His word. They talk as though they are drawn to it, anticipate it.
For me, it is a battle. My days are full of tedious task and mundane chores. Things that I do not look forward to, and would desperately love to be pulled a way from. BUT those things will still pull me away from pursuing God's word. It is a discipline for me. It is a daily decision and battle to go to the word of God. It wears me down.
One would think by the things they hear from others, that once you finally conquer the will and settle down into the words of God, the battle would be over. But not so for me. It has only just begun. As I read the words of Life and try as I may to meditate on them, there is a constant tugging at the mind. It wanders here and wanders there. I seem to be in constant prayer begging God to help me. After some time of wrestling and feeling as though it will never end, I give up. This may seem likes hours; but when I look at the time, it has only been minutes.
Once I give in, the despair crashes upon me. Will I ever love God with all my heart? Will I ever long for Him and Him alone? Will He ever be all I need? Will my flesh ever die?
This has been a long and exhausting battle for me. Then I read the words of A.W. Pink: "He who is really honest with himself and has had his eyes opened in some degree to see the awful sinfulness of self, and who is becoming more and more acquainted with that sink of iniquity, that mass of corruption which still indwells him, often feels that sin more completely rules him now than ever it did before. When he longs to trust God with all his heart, unbelief seems to paralyze him. When he wishes to be completely surrendered to God’s blessed will, murmurings and rebellion surge within him. When he would spend an hour in meditating on the things of God, evil imaginations harass him. When he desires to be more humble, pride seeks to fill him. When he would pray, his mind wanders. The more he fights against these sins, the further off victory seems to be. To him it appears that sin is very much the master of him, and Satan tells him that his profession is vain."
That is me. I am not alone. Others have warred as I. Others feel as though their faith is in vain. This desire to long for God, this desire to meet with Him daily and to know Him does not come from nowhere. I realize that this battle was not present in me before. If His Spirit were not within me, I would not war against the flesh. As I derive comfort from the fact that others have battled as I have, I remember God is with me. He has not forsaken me. Because of Him, I will persevere.

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us,
let us also lay aside every encumbrance
and the sin which so easily entangles us,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
fixing our eyes on Jesus,
the author and perfecter of faith,
who for the joy set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame,
and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. "
Hebrews 12:1-2

"Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak
and the knees that are feeble,
and make straight paths for your feet,
so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint,
but rather be healed."
Hebrews 12:12-13