Sadness - Deep and Dark

There is this place within me. A place that I don't like to visit. It comes from nowhere, stays as long as it wants, and takes over. Sadness.

So many good intentioned people tell me to "think good thoughts" or to "focus on what is good," etc. etc. etc. But the sadness rises up and engulfs me.

As I sit here at my computer, with tears running down my face, I find myself alone. So alone. I tell myself that I'm not alone. I tell myself that God will never leave me nor forsake me. But the loneliness remains.

Each night I determine that I will rise the next day and be more productive. That I will not let this darkness rule over me. That I will step out of the dark and into the light. I turn to the things that I know I should...the word, prayer... But it is of no avail. I cannot find my way through the dark. So instead, I curl up in my bed and I let the darkness take over and engulf me until I fall into a deep sleep. This sleep is wonderful. It takes me away for awhile. My thoughts are silenced, my despair is hushed, my loneliness has become mute. Sleep, the rescuer of the one so sad. Sleep, the one thing that takes you away from yourself.

God, I cannot live this way. I beg you to help me. I know your grace is sufficient, but my flesh is weak. Help me! Save me from this place.